Anxiety and Wholeness
Most of our ailments come from internal splits. And you can re-whole.
“I could not simplify myself.”
- Turgenev (from the suicide note of a character named Nejdanov)
Close the gap between yourself and Yourself.
- Maezumi Roshi
One of the principles that first drew me to Zen was the value it placed on simplicity. It is a profound simplicity that honors the deepest, most important qualities in our lives. It is the simplicity that knows that taking care of what is right in front of us is infinitely more important than ruminating on our problems.
This simplicity is not always easy to attain, and why it takes some effort and perhaps guidance to bring alive in our lives.
When I studied literature in graduate school, I came upon a character named Nejdanov in a story by the Russian writer Turgenev. His suicide note declared movingly the reason for his act: “I could not simplify myself.” This really haunted me when I read it, and has stayed with me ever since.
Although I would never kill myself, I obviously connected with the suffering that comes from feeling un-integrated, or fragmented. Perhaps you do too. Feeling constantly distracted is just the superficial level of this affliction. Deep down we have forces and counterforces, questions and fears, that swirl around our minds and impact our clarity and capacity for joy.
Maezumi Roshi spoke to this split when he said the effort of Zen practice is to “close the gap between yourself and Yourself.” That’s just actively embracing all the aspects of yourself — your beautiful, unique personal qualities and concerns, along with the vast, impersonal life force that flows through all of us.
We close the gap in two ways, with awareness and with love. Ultimately these two ways are just one way, since attention is itself a form of love. But it’s helpful to distinguish them, because we usually experience these integrative modes a bit differently. From awareness and love come the practical steps you can take to move forward with your life and projects. It is possible to simplify yourself!
It is helpful, maybe even essential, to have help from someone who has traveled this path, to help you see the places you are stuck, and how to move through them. I’m grateful to have had my Zen teacher Shishin Roshi as a lifelong guide. On top of his Zen mastery, he had a Ph.D. in Physics and worked as a VP of Software Development for a major reference publisher. He was able to meet me in all the areas of my life. (He also raised four kids, and I’m drawing on those lessons now!)
I work with people one-on-one in this capacity, at the intersection of the personal, professional and spiritual. If you would like to explore this, please book a free Discovery session with me. I would love to talk with you.
And if you would like to hear more about this subject…. I really enjoyed being a guest earlier this week with Alex Gil on her podcast Rebranding God. The episode just launched. We talk about "wholing" in life and work, why traditional therapy is limiting, anxiety and how to decrease it, how to find our purpose, the illusion of separation and fear, the three afflictive "poisons," and my practice of fourfold grounding. Alex is a big soul and we share plenty of stories and laughter!
Photo by Guzmán Barquín on Unsplash