Worry makes you worry more. Worry is an ingrown self-conflicting process of life which is endless. - a Yogi
As I’ve watched my various neuroses over the years, I’ve come to see a distinct difference between the things we call stress, anxiety and worry.
Feeling myself uncommonly afflicted by all three (don’t we all!), I’ve sought relief in a variety of ways. In my meditation practice I’ve noticed that different approaches work better for these distinct mental afflictions.
Worry as I understand it is different from stress and anxiety in that it is less generalized and more specific. You are worried about something. The “something” is usually a question, of the form “what will happen if ….” or “what should I do about …..”
The template for worrying is that simple.
Since worry has an object, it can be counterproductive to try to “let it go”, or settle your mind. Subconsciously it is still there, and you can’t ignore it.
So what is the direction and quality of attention needed to resolve worry?
I’ve developed a form I call “somatic questioning.” It is based on Zen koan practice, which are basically questions that we answer or resolve with intuitive intelligence.
I’ve offered this to executive groups with surprising (to them) results. A recent coaching client asked me how to address a key question in his life, so I shared the technique with him.
Following is an excerpt from my manuscript (Zen@Work: Living with Presence and Purpose) that describes somatic questioning. It’s got an interesting case study from another of my clients from a few years ago.
Let me know how you like it!
Paul
The practice of somatic questioning is derived from the Zen practice of koan. The word koan has entered the modern vernacular to mean a riddle or enigma. In truth, koans are very precise instruments for meeting any powerful, emotionally charged question from a place of deepest intuition. Over the course of 20 years of Zen training, I worked with my teachers on a traditional curriculum of 750 koans which touch on the deepest questions of life and death. Many of my current Zen students practice koans with me to resolve their own questions about their lives.
The practice of somatic questioning can be used for any especially charged, seemingly intractable question that arises in our lives. In fact, it is imperative that you honor your own difficult choices by giving them –- and yourself -– due attention. While the practice of koan evolved in the explicit context of spiritual practice (that is, dealing with our fundamental sense of separateness from others and from the divine), we must not assume that more mundane questions about your work, career and partnerships are not important.
When you are faced with a difficult decision, it usually means that your emotions, your fears, your uncertainties, and your aspirations for yourself and others are very much activated. Otherwise it would not be a difficult decision! To say that “spiritual questions” about your true nature are important while mundane decisions about your work are not important can be a subtle form of spiritual bypassing. This tends to lead to a superficial investigation of the question that attempts to process the question analytically.
The only way to truly resolve difficult decisions is to turn inward and discover your intuitive response. Again, many practical questions are difficult because they are deeply rooted in our fears, our desires and our identifications. Questions such as: “should I take this job?”, “should I hire this person?”, “should I join in a partnership with this individual or company”, “should we pivot?”, “should I quit?” are important ones to address from your deepest knowing. Our conceptual minds tell us that once we “get all the information” and weigh it properly, the correct answer will result as if we are solving a math equation. Behind this belief is the belief that the “correct answer” is somewhere out there waiting for you to uncover it.
The most important questions in your professional life are not like this. The “correct answer” is inextricably linked to your own knowledge, intentions, and desires.
In this Practicum, you can bring to mind a specific issue that is causing you worry. Remember, that worry (as I am defining it) is different from anxiety and stress. Worry involves a specific issue or question in which you are concerned about the outcome, and usually, you have a strong feeling sense that you need to do (or say, or fix) something.
1. Create a meditative environment. Spend 5 minutes with breath awareness.
2. Bring to mind something you are worried about. If you are not worried about anything, congratulations. Come back to this Practicum when you are!
3. Internally verbalize your concern or question. Be as precise as possible in your wording. It may take you several iterations as you get to the heart of your worry. Here is a real-world example from a CEO who attended one of my workshops: She was having trouble with her CFO, whom she felt had made several crucial errors recently. She did not know what to do about the situation: should she fire him, demote him, give him help, talk it through. The decision would be consequential. Her initial phrasing of her question was “Should I fire Jim?” as she felt that was the crux of the matter. But I suggested she start with the more general question, “What should I do about Jim?” Most worries are not yet at a binary decision point, although we believe they are.
4. Continue verbalizing the question over and over while you bring your point attention to your solar plexus. If you notice yourself furrowing your brow or feeling stress inside your head, consciously bring your attention to your breath. As you repeat the question over and over, you may slow down in your internal verbalization, allowing the question to sound in the space of your awareness.
5. After a period of time, one of three things will arise in your mind:
a. A clear direction forward: “I need to talk to my Board;” “I need to fire Jim.” This direction may also be “I don’t need to do anything right now.” (Pro tip: at least 80% of the time I do this, “do nothing” is the right resolution!)
b. The question shifts: it may take a different form, e.g. “how do I restructure the finance department?”, or it may reveal itself to be something quite different, “are my executives being properly incented?” If this happens, drop the initial question and repeat the new question.
c. You get a clear message: “I don’t know.” When you get the message “I don’t know” from your integrated heart-mind intelligence, it feels different from the factual report “I don’t know what to do about this!”. The latter experience is infused with a felt sense of urgency, which manifests as a (very familiar) tone quality in your body and mind. When you hear “I don’t know” from your deeper knowing, you are able to relax in that truth. If we are unpracticed, it can actually be uncomfortable to relax in the truth of not knowing, as we are conditioned to feel comfortable when we (think we) know. With practice this recognition becomes very calm and clarifying. What’s more, we often have a clear insight at this point of what it is we need in order to move forward with the worrisome condition. For example, “I need to speak to Jim and find out what’s going on with him.”
When you start the practice of somatic questioning, it may take several sessions of inquiry before you are able to hear the clear message from your heart-mind. With practice however, you will be able to drop into the necessary mindful state in only a few minutes. When you see the fruits of this practice, you will use it for everything you are worried about, and every meaningful decision you must make in your personal and professional life.
Case Study
John is the CEO of a global social network. One of his current ventures is a platform for Leaders around the world to share their experience of social injustice. The venture received support from many prominent cultural leaders and received extensive media coverage. It became a very big deal.
As the venture started to take off, John reached out to one of his early supporters and asked if she would like to join him in running the new venture. After some thought, she responded with interest in the offer, and probed him on the possibility of being co-CEO with him.
John was taken initially aback, as he was not expecting to share that level of authority so early in the venture. He did not know how to feel about it, and asked my advice. Since John has done a lot of meditation, he was able to witness his own reactions and seek the wisest path forward from a deeper place than his ego. As he described his reaction, he said, “There is something that doesn’t feel right to me” while pointing to his solar plexus. He wanted help in clarifying that feeling.
This situation is very common in leadership circles: one party initiates or is invited into a partnership, but the terms of the partnership become charged. We may think that this is a classic case of exercising “negotiation skills,” which teach us to make the best case for ourselves while listening to the other person’s case. But more importantly, this is a situation that requires a leader to understand where the feeling of “not right” comes from and to work with it directly from your own body-mind.
In these situations the disturbance you feel is a conflict between the third and fourth chakras. The third chakra is located in the solar plexus, and is where the power of personal agency is centered. The fourth chakra is located in the area of the heart and is where the power of relationship is located.
When we offer or receive an invitation to partnership, we have activated our fourth chakra: this is a powerful and essential part of all our manifestation. However, if the terms of the partnership appear to compromise or unduly reward our efforts, our third chakra of personal power senses a threat or potential blockage. The conflict between the chakras –- one saying “Yes!” And the other saying “Hold On!” –- produces the feeling of unease. I could see that this was going on as John told his account, and when he pointed to his solar plexus, I was sure.
I asked John to bring his meditative mind to his third chakra and investigate what it wanted to tell him. I suggested he do somatic questioning around the questions: “how much power do I need in this venture at this time?,” and “does it feel right to cede authority to this person at this time?”. After just two days of this practice he resolved the question and decided to propose a different role for his partner.
Note how the resolution to this issue did not come from attempting to analyze the situation or determine “what’s the best thing to do in this situation.” Our tendency is to intellectualize the situation as a “problem” that needs to be solved by breaking down the parts, and fixing what is broken. We might refer to “best practices” or read books of business advice that address similar situations, but none are going to have the immediacy and relevance of your own wisdom, as long as you can access it. In order to access your wisdom, you have to know what questions to ask and where to listen for the answers.
In this situation, indeed in most situations, nothing is broken. The partner who John made the offer to was acting from her own integrity and asking for what she wanted. John was in full agency in responding from his whole self. Once he knew what questions to ask, he listened in to his gut (since this was a third chakra issue) and immediately received the information he needed.