Happy Friday, everyone.
Welcome to all the new subscribers in the last week. I had a lot of positive feedback on my last post (“How Not to Worry”) and in fact had one person contribute $$ for an annual subscription, which was a pleasant surprise as I don’t have a formal paid tier set up yet. :) I truly appreciate the encouragement.
If you would like to donate, you can do so here:
Your financial support is very helpful …. especially at this time as I am developing my services and channels.
Today is my (twin) step-daughters’ sixteenth birthday. Ten years ago, I never would have dreamed I would be uttering those words.
As some of you know, after a lifetime without wife or children, I got married at age 57 and inherited an insta-family in the form of my wife Aria’s five amazing kids (ages 14-29). I’ve always been very committed to my Self and Work contracts, but a relative rookie on my contract with Others.
This newsletter, and my work in general, is about aligning those three core contracts for a meaningful life. (We generally do this by going “off script.”)
My piece today is prompted by something my teacher Shishin Roshi said to me this morning, which help me put a recent personal failing in perspective.
Before I get to it, I want to say how much I am loving working with my coaching clients. I get lit up watching obstacles in their personal and professional lives dissolve when they get self-insight and unlock their source power. If you want to thrive fully at work and in relationship, or if something seems to be holding you back, I can help you get clear, connect with your self and bring forth your radiance.
Sign up for a free Discovery session with me and we’ll see if I can help. I have one- and three-month programs. (Success is guaranteed. :)
Coming Soon: I’ll be launching my first Zen@Work group next month and am developing micro- and macro-dose psilocybin offerings to integrate into the work, for those who are interested. Book a session if these are of interest to you as well.
I’m off to birthday cake…. take care,
Paul
“If you are not willing to fail, you will never succeed.” - Shishin Roshi
This blunt statement came from my Zen teacher, who was talking about both work and relationships. He was recently on a panel discussion that brought together committed partners who shared their work ventures. He runs his Center together with his life partner, and has been through the challenges of marrying his deep purpose with another, and bringing that forth in the world.
His experience was that to truly succeed, you have to be all-in. Everything must be “on the table.” You cannot rest on an idea that your current reality is going to be around forever. This applies to relationships as well as work.
We all know that “til death do us part” is not an authentic marriage vow. That comes from a traditional world view that is long gone for most people. Marriage vows have to be re-affirmed regularly. That means you have to entertain the prospect that the relationship will end.
Our work needs the same sense of immediacy. Most entrepreneurs know this instinctively. Being on the creative edge is part of what drives a person to start a business or service. The fear of failure is a natural part of being an entrepreneur and can be the fuel for achievement.
Those in more traditional or fixed roles, working in a company large or small, can benefit from this perspective. This company can fail. My role can fail or disappear.
Embracing the prospect of failure is essential to bringing forth greatness in your life. If you have embraced this prospect, then failure, if it comes, is not failure.
I experienced this in my own small-ish way a couple of weeks ago, playing in a soccer tournament in Las Vegas. I’ve been on a select team for 15 years, playing tournaments against teams from around the country. We’ve had a lot of success at the tournament, winning championships three years in a row. We’ve won and lost a lot of games.
This month we had a very good team and advanced to the semifinals on Monday morning. The game ended in a tie, and we went to penalty kicks to decide the winner. I offered myself as one of the ten players to take a kick. It’s about the most pressure you can face in soccer.
The two teams matched shots until it came to my spot. The opposing player made theirs and I missed mine. That was it. We were done.
I was crushed. I let my team down. My teammates were all very generous. Many had been in the same spot before.
In the weeks since, I’ve had to deal with the terrible feeling of failure. And as some of you may know, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat are much magnified in team sports.
I’ll always feel the pang of letting my team down. But there is a takeaway here that is really important, and it relates to what Shishin said this morning, and it is something that Emily, one of my coaching clients, reminded me of the other day (she used to play soccer, so she understood.)
The most important thing is the stepping up.
To retain a connection with that spirit, that thing in me that spoke and said I’d take a kick, to be willing to fail …. that’s the live flame that gives meaning to this path of life.
At the end of the day, as the expression goes, it’s the stepping up that matters most. Failure feels terrible, and letting down the company, family, tribe or team can be excruciating. But usually the ups and downs are ephemeral and not intrinsically meaningful in themselves.
It’s the quickening of the soul when you step up to a great effort that raises hearts and minds.
Happy birthday, Bear Bear and Izzy!
Image: https://pixabay.com/photos/child-soccer-playing-kick-613199/