The Three Contracts Framework
Ride the "tricycle" of your life
Hello everyone, and welcome to new subscribers.
Today I want to offer my Three Contracts framework for your consideration. When I began developing this framework ten years ago, many light bulbs went off for me. I realized where I had been unconsciously acting out, and where I needed to choose my commitments.
Whenever I made progress on my discernment, the universe seemed to meet me there. When I got clear on the partner I wanted, she appeared. When I got clear on the work I wanted to do, opportunities appeared. When I was ready for a certain kind of teacher, they appeared.
I have been using this framework explicitly with coaching clients for the last five years. I have several coaching spots opening now. If you would like to explore working with me, write me for a free Discovery Session. We’ll spend 30-minutes and see if there is a fit. I am working in flexible models of frequency, rate and duration. If there is a good fit, we’ll make it work.
Paul
The Three Contracts Framework
Ride the "tricycle" of life
Every human being has inner contracts in the areas of:
Self/Spiritual Development
Relationships & Family (Others)
Work-in-the-World
Conscious contracts are expressed as commitments or vows. They are generative, liberating and empowering. Unconscious commitments manifest as false beliefs, fixed ideas, limiting stories, and habitual patterns of behavior and feeling. (They may be held in the nervous system as trauma.) These karmic hindrances can lead to depression, malaise, confusion, diminishment of life force, ill health, and even feelings of despair or being trapped.
At different seasons of our life, it is usually necessary for one of the contracts to be primary, with the other two being secondary or subordinate.
I think of the contracts as the wheels of a tricycle. Each wheel needs to be fundamentally sound by itself, it needs to be in alignment with the overall vehicle (your life), and you need to understand which is the primary (front) wheel, which will guide your major decisions.
Major problems arise when:
You "bypass" any of the contracts. If you leave one or more contracts unexamined, you will not live a full life. You will disown important aspects of yourself, such as your creativity or inner adventurer. You may enter long seasons of malaise, depression, and confusion. Sometimes we ask one of the contracts to "do the work" of another contract, e.g by seeking our fundamental self-worth (contract with Self) in our work or primary relationship or family.
You are living according to inherited, unconscious or reactive contracts. Our society and families have scripts for what a "successful" personal, family and professional path looks like. Unconscious contracts are almost certainly not serving you. A sign of unconscious contract(s) is that you feel you don't have full agency, you are trapped, stuck, uninspired, or confused. You feel you “have to” do things a certain way. Being clear about your contracts gives you full agency.
You have resolved one form of a contract and need to re-write one or more, and possibly re-establish a new "primary" contract. This happens when children leave home or a primary relationship ends. The contract with Others must be re-written, and for many people, it is an opportunity to make one of the other contracts primary, after years or decades of putting the contract with Others (family) first.
The contracts are not aligned with each other. You may be clear about all three but they don't work together. For example, you may not be able to fulfill a certain level of responsibility to your partner if you are committed to a season of internal self-development. We have limited bandwidth, and very little control over circumstances, or other people. It is like the wheels of the tricycle are facing different directions, or are different sizes.
The universe requires you to put one of the contracts first — and you don’t recognize it, or resist. For example, if you are going through a chaotic time in your marriage, the contract with Others must be primary. Your other two contracts must be secondary, and allow you to negotiate the marriage contract with your full heart and soul. This doesn't mean you can't honor those contracts, you just need to re-write them temporarily so you know they are "back wheels." Another example is if you are facing a spiritual or health crisis. In this case, you must put your contract with Self first, and commit to your healing and wholing. You must re-write your other two contracts accordingly.
Last week, I had a coaching session with a longtime client who had the “aha” moment when he recognized that he could re-write his contract with Work, based on changes in his family. He had been angstful for months about his relationship with his general partners. He knew he needed to “let it go” and let them be their dysfunctional, narcissistic selves. But he couldn’t find his way to doing so. When he recognized his commitment to Work could be completely overhauled because he had in fact fulfilled the commitments he had made when he founded his company, a huge grin came on his face, and he whooped in liberation.
Getting clear on your contracts will bring you a grin and a whoop.
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